The Monarch

“ I have been thinking about what hurts more the jar or the pins. And I think I can tell you that it is not the pins. Because the monarch in the jar is already dead when it comes to the pins. At some point things stop hurting; and from inside the jar, with eyes that see in all directions, maybe it is possible to look into the future, well beyond the pins, to where the compass in your head tells you that you need to go”

These lines from the movie PU 239, have been stuck in the crinkles of my cranium for a while now. They are for me, a story of the phoenix rising from the dead. A story that can be, only if the Monarch is ready to rise.

At some point things do stop hurting. But does all the hurt make the Monarch stronger or leaves him numbed, with a broken soul?

By the time one sees that glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel, is it possibly too late? Is it possible that the bonds of the jar and miseries of life have pinned one enough to not care whether the light at the end of the tunnel is a train heading in their direction?

We struggle through our share of cuffs and chains, and our eyes, through the glaze, see the beautiful future ahead. A beautiful future , so surreal, of another world, and the mind refuses to believe. And yet, with a future as an excuse we continue to tread - Eyes shut tight, fingers crossed “Please let it be true, Please let there be that heaven I was promised”

Leave all the fun for the "One fine day in some remote future ahead", now is about the challenges. Now is about following rules blindly and suffering, for some day else will be a day to rejoice.

When did we pin ourselves into these jars? How did we forget, it is within us to break ourselves free?

It is time for the Monarch to ride the zephyr once again. Time to break the Jar. The power to break free is in the Now, not some distant future ahead.

Will the Monarch rise from the dead though, will he take back his throne in the winds!?

********* 28th September 2010 *********

Came across the Big Fuzz Skeptical Caterpillar in my inbox, reminded me of my Monarch . It's quite an interesting tale.... The Big Fuzzy Caterpillar

Sleep Walking the Walk of Life

"Azure , when she was a baby slept off as soon as she got into the car", I overheard my mum say.

I smirked, thought of the many times I had heard that, not too long ago

"Azure still sleeps off as soon as she is put into the car" , I mumbled to myself.

~ JUMP SCENE ~

"Is that a new painting on the wall? " I asked my pal

"NO"

"How the heck did I never see this before?"

"Must have slept through it" , we said in unison

We broke into peals of laughter. Very Funny.

Azure became the butt of all jokes sleepy. Be it sleep talking for a "M&M Candy" breakfast in bed, being woken up in the middle of a guided tour - WAKE UP! Look around , you're on vacation or never being able to recognise what part of the city it is, even after having driven around the place a million times (all while in slumberland!)

Thirty something years of a daze. Some crystal clear moments of a beautiful dream like quality, the rest of it a blur. The sleep over the last few years gradually grew to become an issue . I never did decipher the subtle signs, the fact that my life was headed to becoming somewhat mechanical & pointless.

And while I sleep walked to the edge of the cliff, Miss life smacked another lesson into my face.

" Love sleeping with your eyes open, don't you?"

"No more subtleties then"

"Here, sleep , sleep and sleep some more until you decide to wake up!

Azure was cursed to stay in slumberland, until she decided to take the reins of her life in her own hands and tread forward with her eyes wide open.

Ever noticed, if you are allowed an addiction, sans guilt, you eventually do get over it!? Become more responsible about it?

It is ingrained in me, testing the boundaries, wanting to do more, wanting to do exactly what the other person said not to do or said I cannot do. More the restrictions around something , greater the thrills of putting it as an accomplishment on the records.

All that was accomplishment once, did not resonate with Azure anymore. It all seemed like it was someone else's, and the one thing she had become good at, "Sleep Walking", was now being forced upon her in all obviousness. Not something she liked very much.

But then, a curse is a curse, and sleep I would have to. There is no kiss from a handsome prince that would bring me to life this time. I would have to be my own true love now, and bring me back from the dead.

So I slept and I slept for many years thereafter, with an air of dark around me.

How could Azure awaken herself from death like slumber? Especially, someone who slept through her waking hours, how would she ever awaken in her sleep?

I have always loved the loop holes in fairy tales. There is always a way to break the curse. A fairy godmother, the prince or a toad. Always the means available when you have a purpose in mind. The portal to the happy ever after. Azure got her share of the loop hole too. Azure got her dreams.

So as I slept, my dreams came visiting, and every dream that came by awakened me some more. The dreams that I never could recall once, when they woke me up, now spoke to me as I slept. I saw the minutest detail of everything it showed me, my own personal bioscope to the world of the animate.

Everyday, Azure saw the picture a little clearer than the day before, everyday she focused some more. The day came soon enough when she saw it all crystal clear in her head. She finally saw what she wanted to see, and not the picture tinted by someone elses expectation or the urge to prove someone wrong.

I finally found the NOW, where I belong and could stay inanimate no more. I woke up to a beautiful dream, that was a dream no more, never to sleep walk again.