1st May 2010
"Oh you got your hands on that one!” I said, a large Cheshire Cat grin stuck to my face. My attempt at happy face was a futile one, and the disappointment, my irritation that reflected on the outside was a tiny slice of the turmoil within. She, Evil-She, just beat me to the best candy in the box.
My favorite, the one who gave me many sleepless nights – the dark chocolate with a hazel-nutty center, not too bitter, not too sweet, not too hard on the outside, just precisely gooey on the inside. As my eyes brim with tears, I want to howl for the sweetness.Poking out evil-she’s eye may feel better though!
I don’t cry nor poke an eye, remind myself to breathe “Inhale... Exhale... Inhale... Exhale “. I tuck my tummy in, shoulders pulled in an upright position like a soldier maintaining his dignity after a battle lost. Stick my Cat face again, be brave and SAY THE “RIGHT” words - ”That’s a fantastic choice, hope you like it, it’s ONE of my favorites “
So much candy in the box, so many choices to make. So what if I didn’t get the one I wanted, I have the whole box to choose from. An attempt, a pathetic one, to make peace with myself.
I don’t care…I don’t care…I don’t care..I don’t care. I don’t care…. I don’t care…I don’t care.
Maybe if I chant a million times, I will start believing it too. That I truly don't care.
I won’t tell you, because I am a proud peacock, but psst... I am hurt. Can someone just be as perceptive as I am and show me some Love?
Ah! That’s the perfect solution for the heart broken lady, a chubby heart-y piece of sweet sitting pretty on the rosy wrap. ”What lies within you, O’ who sits there all prim and propah ?” a little amused at my own ignorance, a little intrigued by the intensity of a fairly simple question. Scavenging through a box o’ candy, what lies within is the question I ask.
It’s just candy, why do I care?
If this one is too mushy,
there are another twenty in there
So wreak havoc on the box,
spare not a single bite,
for you can have them all
except the one that was right.
Why is life so unfair? Why so much pain? The biggest why – Why Me every time?
SWEET REVENGE!
Whoever coined that term was probably talking about exactly this. Down went all the contents of the box. The choco-heart, too hearty tarty. The nougat, too clingy. The white, too white. The dark, too dark. I feel sick and it’s entirely your fault. If you hadn’t intruded, Mi favorito would be mine. Thanks to you I feel sick now; thanks to you my box o’ candy is all gone now. Another box I will not buy again, for losing Mi favorito, getting sick and losing you is quite a pain.
So much of bitter
over something so sweet?
What is with the damned box o’ candy….
what is really beneath?
I hear myself asking the question once again,
I need an answer, before I go completely insane
JUMP scene, musing about the time gone by. It feels like yesterday, the little angel at her impish best, in the stillness of a muggy afternoon treading into forbidden territory, the dingy hole we called the kitchen. This was the most action packed section of the old ancestral home most of the times, right now though, it was just the old mole with so many tales to tell trying to breathe, BREATHE till it would be running at neck break speed once again, keeping pace with the incessant chatter and the broth’s futile attempt at being true to its existence.
Being true to ones existence. How does one do that?
Too many cooks spoil the broth they say. But what is spoilt broth?
Is it the broth’s futile attempt at staying broth? Or is it just his evolution into something new?
If I were the broth, I wouldn’t want to be plain broth all my life
and if it takes so many cooks to “spoil” the broth…Well, just BRING ‘EM ON.
But then, that’s just me.
The broth exists because he wants to exist,
He broods about not being broth anymore because he thrives on his miseries…
He sometimes evolves because he wants to be no goody two shoes broth anymore,
He discovers his potential within…
AH! The bliss of discovering the potential within…
FLASHBACKS within a flashback… we live in a kaleidoscope don’t we?
Jumping back… little angel at her impish best, in the stillness of a muggy afternoon treading into forbidden territory. Her gait, that of a cat moving towards it prey - padded foot step, abated breath, lest the hunter became the hunted. sniff…sniff …
The sweet whiff of fresh toffee was still in the air… sweet…the cat transformed into a crazy pup … SNIFF SNIFF…it’s here somewhere, just need to find the right box. Trust the catty instincts or just dog my way through? Now that is a difficult one. Hmm.
If a Cat or dog… there is no problem. It’s when the humanoid robot steps in, is when the trouble begins. The animal instincts tell me GO…GO get what you want, nothing will stop you…
The potty-trained human gets me wondering…
Should I?
Should I not?
What if I fall getting the box down?
What if someone catches me in the ACT?
The moment is lost… what could be is NOT anymore. So many such precious moments lost to … reason... fear … guilt or something as stupid.
Only if, I got back to being the animal…
Only if, I could get back to my basic instincts…
Only if, I could act on the basis of my instincts.
“ONLY IF”…
My instincts… the toffee... Mi Favorito …THE WORLD …
It’s all about how passionate I am about getting what I WANT Isn’t it?
There is no place for mediocre… NO PLACE
The cherub …. Rabia…an imp…an angel..
Fresh toffee… the ONLY thing that mattered
Little Rabia…the wild child turned “human”
ANIMAL… That was the pure animal moment…
The angel said NO…
The devil said GO…
So GO it was… it’s always the GO that’s more fun , that’s life and the way to live
DAMN THE RULES!
I WANT THE TOFFEE…. and I want it NOW!!...So loud and clear … That’s all that matters
Little mop head in her pretty summer dress, onto the kitchen counter in a swift feline move. Rabia always wanted adventure… well…ok it wasn’t something that she yearned for…nothing that she was “looking for “ when I think, of it today… It was just her way of life …she saw life for what it was, and everyday was an adventure of a different kind.
SPOTTED…There it is… all that toffee sitting in the jar on the top most shelf.
That’s a very handsome jar… akin the royal guard in protective armor, sealed lid, grim composure et al… thought Rabia
He is just doing his job…
“The toffee is your liability now, guard her with you life “ they said
“ Live by it…die for it”
Did they really mean for him to die for it? Was the toffee really so important?
So easy to tell someone else to die for a cause…
SACRIFICE…
Be MODEST…
Always put someone else’s needs before your own…
If you say “I” too often ….ITS SELFISH
You never want to be called “selfish”
He was the sentry trained by the Old mole though… the shelf had been his home for many eras and he was not programmed to contemplate about his existence …
He lived by the rules and would die by it… no questions asked.
“How are you today … Mr. Hand-me-some-toffee Jar Sir? “ asked Rabia. No response.
Rabia was the enemy … she belonged to the “brood”
It was she …and many more like her that he was supposed to guard from
And then… no one had really asked him the question before.
“ Why is the brat asking me about me anyways? “
“ She does not care about me!!”
“ She only cares about what I carry today”
The crowd started stirring inside the arena…
Mr. Hand-me-some-toffee Jar a.k.a. Maximus forgot his dialogues for the day
The crowd gathered to watch the Gladiator was beginning to see the Beautiful Mind
He forgot he had to throw Little-demon-Rabia off the kitchen counter
He also forgot he had a cause to live for…some toffee to protect.
Just then … the clutter-headed-cutlery started clamoring
Mr. Hand-me-some-toffee Jar Sir … you have committed a crime this afternoon
YES …A CRIME…
You said “me”, “me” and another “me”…
AND if that was not crime enough… an “I”? How shameful
Have you forgotten your code of conduct?
Is all the history lost?
Have you forgotten about the cause? “Your” cause?
Mr. Hand-me-some-toffee Jar …It wasn’t his job to think
He panicked, “Have I really committed a crime? “
Oh damn! Something isn’t right “ I am thinking once again” Panic…PANIC…
Everyone was saying he had committed a crime
If everyone said that, not possible that all of them are wrong…(or are they?)
He tried…tried REAL HARD…but the thoughts wouldn’t stop…
A flood gate had opened somewhere … all hell broke loose
Rabia had “hoped” to make a new friend;
She had seen the sweet core…sweet core of the sentry so stern. She had “hoped” to understand “How…so much bitter over something so sweet”
Little did she know that Mizz Life was standing Just around the corner and she had some cruel lesson to teach…
Rabia reached for Mr. Hand-me-some-toffee Jar…
Someone has to make the first move…someone has to reach out… Rabia did
Rabia’s mother always told her she was “the spring”
She was the tiny bud on the frozen tree that marked the arrival of spring…
She was the beautiful chirping of birds heralding that spring was here…
She was hope of a beautiful day after the long cold winter had passed away…
Someone had to reach out…Rabia did…
Mr. Hand-me-some-toffee Jar… saw the onset of an identity crisis
He had never questioned before…
He had never been accused before…
HE HAD committed a crime and it was time for him to go…
Mr. Hand-me-some-toffee Jar…plunged three shelves down
He plunged to his death…
All the sweetness amongst shards, did not look sweet anymore
Did he die being true to his existence? Or his existence just did not feel worthwhile anymore?
Rabia was shocked…
The spring stood frozen in her shoes and all hope was gone
The wild child turned human
She blamed herself for all that had happened
She cried in hope that she could take back what she had done
She promised herself she would never reach out…. never ever
CHOKE! Am dying... Bad chocolate.
Am allergic to walnut...I can't breathe...
Don't these candy boxes carry a disclaimer.
Just like the M&M candy pack ...'this may contain nuts' or something like that.
Only if My box 'o candy came with a warning...'BEWARE OF THE WAL-NUT' .
Only if life came with a disclaimer...
'A BEEP BEEP Nut warning'
OR something louder like a fire engine WAIL, to stop me from making all the bad choices I made. Sigh!
What a Pickle!
